It’s very difficult for me to admit that I may have made a mistake not weaning my toddler before my second baby was born. My toddler was 18 months old when I got pregnant and he loved to nurse. I did not feel like it was the appropriate time to wean him because he was so attached to breastfeeding. Also, I felt that perhaps if I continued to nurse until my second child was born, that perhaps he would have an easier time with the arrival of a new sibling.
When I got pregnant my milk dried up but that didn’t stop my son from nursing. It was also incredibly painful for me. My breasts were so sore for the entire nine months. I decided during pregnancy that I should start setting limits on how much nursing he was allowed to do. I did not want to ‘nurse on demand’ two children at the same time; that would be too hard on me physically. I limited his nursing to three times a day. That seemed to work for both of us. I had also night-weaned (using Dr. Jay Gordon’s gentle night-weaning process) when he was 18 months; which was probably the best decision I made. I was able to get the rest I very much needed during pregnancy.
At first, it worked. It was physically demanding, but when my new baby was born they both nursed, it felt very sweet. My toddler loved it and loved showing and helping his new brother how to nurse. It was very short lived. I began to regret not weaning my toddler sooner because it was taking a lot out of me physically and emotionally. He began asking to nurse more and more, and when I said it wasn’t his time, he would scream and cry.
I’m not sure how to describe the sensations I feel when I nurse my toddler sometimes. Occasionally, it feels very strange and uncomfortable to nurse my almost 3 year old (who is the size of a 5 year old). My body (and brain) automatically compares the size difference between my baby and toddler and if feels, well, weird to nurse such a big kid.
I am now five months postpartum and my toddler now nurses just two times per day (at nap and night time) for ten minutes. I find this to be manageable. He is now napping less and less so there are some days when he nurses only once for ten minutes. I would like to wean him completely but he is very much attached to this way of bonding with me. I have been trying to find other ways to bond with him, but nothing seems to take the place of breastfeeding. I often joke that I know my son won’t nurse until he’s twelve so who cares that he’s only a bit more than two and a half. However, the truth is, I have no idea how to wean him at this point. I don’t want to take away the one thing that he loves and allows him to feel safe and secure. I can’t end this blog with any conclusion because I haven’t found one yet. This process has not been easy. I know that breastfeeding fulfills certain things for a child and I will continue to look for other ways to meet those needs. Nursing is so much more than simply giving our children nutrients, it is physically, emotionally and spiritually nourishing.
If you have been or are going through weaning an older toddler, please comment on your experience!
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